Oven Baked Battle Royale With Boiled Carrot.

Everyday I think about how much I hate vegetables, and how I wish they could be pitted against each other in a glorious battle of iron and mettle. But since I don’t have the means to do such, I’ve decided to ramble on here instead. 👍
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To see the humble Turnip, lay waste to those vile fiends, those disgusting Brussels Sprouts, would be a delight. I’ve long had a strong hatred for those little green bastards, I imagine I always will. A tennis racquet, a bowl of these little guys and room to practice a powerful forearm is one way to deal with any small, oven baked or steamed vegetable.
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Sometimes I stand in front of the pantry, scowling, eyes narrowed to slits as I glare at the Potatoes with a hammer in hand, just begging them to say something stupid. “I’m the one with the hammer, don’t even try it”. I don’t mind taking a baked potato, absorbing a deep breath to channel my rage, and pitching it as hard as I can at a brick wall. Sometimes I’ll even name them.
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Carrots. Now you’ve got me started on carrots, you’re going to have to deal with it. Growing up as a lad in a small town, my ma used to tell me, “If you eat your carrots, you’ll be able to see in the dark”. I ate them ma, and I dreamt of the day my superior eyesight would be an invaluable attribute to my espionage career. Nothing of the sort happened, if anything I may have gotten a stomach ache. Now I just boil them until they’re limp like noodle and throw them at the rapidly spinning ceiling fan.
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Tomatoes. Tomatoes can be oven baked, used as a T-ball, or supplemented as a paintball to redecorate your ma’s lounge room walls, for lying about the carrots. If you wanted to apply a cloudy and spongy texture, simply switch out the tomato for a potato, choose a spot that looks a little sunny, and let those clouds bring some relief.
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So as you sit there reading these last few words, I’ll ask you this, “Don’t you hate it when sentences don’t end the way you sandwich?”

Posted from somewhere amongst the tangled interwebs….

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