The Kings Fool. Another rant

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I am a fool. I’m the kind of guy who feels for people and does whatever It takes to make them happy, even if I know I’m being used, abused and rejected, I can’t help it. There are a few people out there I do anything for, a select few. And as hard as I try to make it easy, it only gets harder for me.

Let me give you an example.
Over the weekend, we had a some people over, I supplied to a select few for the gathering, I even swallowed my pride hung out, and ended up having a great time with ‘BD’ and the guy she cut me away for. Hahahahahaha, fuck. If that isn’t being a legend, then I don’t know what is.

But come the next day, when we are all feeling sore and sorry, me being sick with the flu and a throat infection, still Got dressed to help a friend with the kids and do some running around. Received no thanks for it, even after I thanked my buddy for the company and a day out. Am I wrong to feel used?

I spent most the night in tears, missing my kids, sick and struggling to breathe with my emotional overload, i asked for some family to call me and talk to me because I needed it, and I got nothing back. The only advice I got was from Kate, an old flame from years ago, she didn’t tell me what I  wanted to hear, she told me what I needed to hear and for that, I’m grateful. Finally, some solid advice.

I even sent a msgs to the friend I had helped that day while I was sick, I didn’t complain or even let on I was feeling shit, and when I told her I wanted to talk about my problem, she told me she didn’t want to hear it. That destroyed me. I needed 5 minutes of her time and she didn’t have it. I sent half a dozen messages asking for someone to talk to me, I stayed in bed a fucking wreck, waiting, hoping one of my “friends” had the time for me.

So I’ve decided, fuck everyone. You’ll get no more help from me, I’m sick of cutting myself down to less than nothing for those I care for to take it for granted, being used, broke and in tears, when all I want is to be appreciated.
I’m not perfect, but I’m honest, I’m loyal to those who don’t deserve it and I haven’t felt happy in a Long time. Its time I cut those people from my life and move on. Its going to be hard.

I’ve fallen for a certain girl, and she cant see the torture I put myself through, just to help her for no recognition or gratitude. I don’t do it because I’m trying to win her over, I do it because she’s incredible in my eyes and deserves nothing less, ever. But as of Monday night, I’ve started to avoid her when possible, hoping people will notice when I stop being the nice guy.

So my dear readers, let my error be a lesson, not everyone appreciates or respects what you do, even if it is just to see them happy. This is more people than I care to count, and come the day when you notice my hand isn’t there to help you up when you fall, good riddance. It took me long enough to realise I’m the only one left with a heart of gold and love.

If I refuse to help you, don’t blame me, blame yourself.

Posted from somewhere amongst the tangled interwebs….

Posted from somewhere amongst the tangled interwebs….

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