How am I meant to focus on my “Dead World” story when she is the only thing I can think about? I try to write about my story, but I can’t focus on it. Not today. Not when all I can think about is that little red and white bikini and the dazzling woman that filled it out perfectly. Talk about distracted. I’m fucking COMPELLED by unknown forces towards this woman and the intoxicating feel of euphoria she instills within my spirit. Listen to me ramble on. Anyone would think I’m a loose unit, and I am, I just embrace it and hope no one calls the loony bin.
Barely a minute goes by when she doesn’t cross my mind. Completely focussed on something positive has had an incredible influence on my day to day life. Shit, I barely think about anything that I usually do out of habit. I barely smoke, play my games or associate with people who I used to. To be honest, and completely insane, I like this girl far more than I should. It’s been a short time yet we get along like 2 old friends and barely a moment goes by without either of us laughing at the other.
I’m an intense guy emotionally. My heart is big and I have nothing but love to give. A day without happiness is a day wasted and I intend to be happy for a long time. I’m hoping my affections and attention don’t throw her off but she really drives me crazy. I’m pretty sure she feels the same. Neither of us wants to rush it and mess it up, but at times, I just want to hold her so tight she will burst. Even the closest proximity isn’t enough and we pull each other closer still.
To be blunt. This woman is perfect. When I think about her I get goosebumps and butterflies. When I’m on my way to see her I get nervous. When she’s around me I just wanted to hold her, kiss her cheeks, forehead and lips, and tell her I don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon, not unless you’re coming with me. I don’t know. She makes me happy and sad. Happy when I see her, sad when she has to go, and then I over think and start to believe I’m imagining how she feels about me and it makes me question myself.
If friends are a dime a dozen and some girls are one in a million, then surely this one, is a once in a lifetime woman. She gave me her favourite book to read titled “Kujo” by Stephen King, I gave her a collection of his called “Stephen King goes to the movies” and it contains “1408, The Mangler, The Shawshank Redemption, Children Of The Corn, and Hearts In Atlantis (Low Men in Yellow Coats). Hopefully she enjoys them as much as myself.
I don’t know why I keep writing about her, I try and change my train of thought but it’s impossible. She’s in my system and she’s already made herself at home in my heart and when she’s ready, I’m going to ask her to be mine.
I want to run her a candlelight bubble bath while I give her a massage followed by a foot rub once she’s dressed for bed and ready to get the hard points worked out. I want to cook her dinner and watch her as she tastes the passion that drives me. I want to lay her down by the fire and make love to her until she can’t take any more. I want to be the one she turns to with her hopes and fears and tk be the one to comfort her when she falls. I want to be the one to say ‘Fuck off, she’s spoken for. Loud and clear too’.
I’ve thought about her constantly since I first talked to her, I’ve thought about her incessantly every day since we first shared laughs and tears of joy. There’s a beating in my heart that pounds harder when I get a message from her. Maybe I’m insane, maybe she is, but either way I’m truly happy like I can’t explain, no matter how hard I might try to. I’m lost in Allie, I’m lost big time. Right now, I can see her brown eyes, her smile, and feel her kiss.
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