Farm goes to University?

This is me. Giving you the finger 🙂

Well well well fuckers, I’ve been offered a place to get my diploma for business at the Curtain Uni in Perth, just north of where I currently live. It all happened in a sleepy haze, I think it went something like this…

Hello? Mr. Hope? This is “so on and so forth” calling from “somewhere” and we noticed your interest in farthing your education. If you don’t mind me asking, what do you want to do?
Well “so on and so forth” I want to start a publishing firm to get small local writers to their feet with a little bit of exposure. Essentially I want to run a firm and write.
And why do you want to start a publishing firm?
Mainly because I’m a struggling writer myself and I know how hard it is to get people to notice, I know a few people who would jump at the possibility of some public exposure. Me included. The firm’s a good way to start something incredible. A kind of Indi Firm.
Hahahahahaha that’s an incredible idea, do you mind if I ask you a few questions? It will only take ten minutes or so, and then we can send you the test for qualification and go from there?
Yeah, that sounds good. I mean, I’ve always wanted to write. I love reading, I don’t care if it’s a book, a blog or the scribbles on the back of my cereal box, I’ll bloody read it.
Hahahahahaha so it’s a Passion then? I’m currently studying in the film industry myself, I don’t know what a producer does, but that’s what I eventually want to learn. I’ve heard they get big piles of cash thrown at them to make movies. So, I’ll just bring this form onto screen and we’ll get started shall we?
Yes please.
Ok, first things first. What is your name?
A bit personal don’t you think? Just jumping into the serious questions aren’t we? Hahahahahaha (laughs from the other end) but seriously my name is blah blah blah blah blah. (This goes on for quite some time)
And is English the primary language at home?
Yes sir, I’m fluent in gibberish too. Could even be a translator for politicians. (More laughing)
I’m not fluent per se, but I’m getting there. It’s what seems to be the lingo at work.
Mate, it’s the general lingo for the general populace. Better work on that haha
And do you have any pre-existing medical conditions that could effect the quality and quantity of study?
No sir.
Have you done any previous study in business?
No sir, I’m just going to jump right in and start swimming.
And what’s the best form of learning for you? Reading, watching or hands on?
I’m not bothered mate, I can do it either way and memorise how it’s done. I’m somewhat of a brain-sponge.

(Stuck on bold again….) Fuck.

Fixed it 🙂

Shall we continue? Yes. Let’s.

And how would you prefer to study? Online or at a campus?
Campus, I don’t trust the internet, there’s some weirdos out there. (More laughter)
I second that motion haha
Alright, what happens now is I’ll send you through the literacy and numeracy test, fill it out and send it back, then one of the admin will call you and work out the finer details. Sound good?
Mate, that’s perfect. Thank you.
No worries mate, thank you for your time and enjoy the rest of your day. Take care
Will do mate, you too. And thanks for the call and the opportunity. I’m looking forward to trawling through the countless seedy emails and garbage haha. Take care and enjoy the rest of your day. Thanks again.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

And that is a paraphrased version of the most exciting thing to happen to me this year. I hope you enjoyed reading absolutely fuck all 🙂 I enjoy writing it 😉 so folks, that concludes my phone call from “so on and so forth” and an opportunity I didn’t think I’d get. This is what happens with hard work, you get places. I should have done this a long time ago.

Posted from amongst the tangled interwebs…


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