The shattered, distraught and hyperventilating composition of his companion, brought tears to his eyes. He touches her shoulder and she violently shrugs it off growling, “Don’t touch me… You don’t deserve that right, not anymore.” She turns her tangled brown locks away from his lingering fingers and glares into the sunset, tears of diamond rolling down her cheeks, over her nose and dropping into the sand below. “I don’t know how you could do it. I thought we had something, I thought we had everything. James, tell me why you don’t want to be with me, I need to understand.”, Jade slides an agonised glance at the heart-breaker sharing the sunset with her, and her heart bursts into fire.
James takes a deep breath and licks his lips, the last thing he wants is for his words to stick as they pass from his mouth. “Jade. I don’t even know how to explain it. It’s been a few short weeks and already, I’ve fallen in love with you. I don’t mean it’s a silly little crush or a passing fancy, I mean I could spend the rest of my days with you. Every morning I would wake you up with gentle kisses. Every night I would love you tender until you collapse in my arms. The intensity of what I feel scares me, the suddenness and finality of it.” Sad eyes sparkle in the last of the rays as the sun kisses the ocean. “I didn’t want you to leave the first morning after our night together, nor do I want to do this, but I’m ready to settle down and make my life with you, but I don’t think you want the same. Am I wrong honey?” Jades eyes reflect the majesty of the ocean before them, just as turbulent, even more beautiful.
“I don’t know James. What I feel for you is incredible, how you make me feel beautiful and understood. When we are together I want to absorb you for myself and keep you forever. But I’m a master of self sabotage. I don’t know”. James takes her hands and gently closes his around them, lifting them to his lips, giving a gentle press he says, “It feels like you’ve been avoiding me for the last few days, shrugging my calls. Ignoring my messages. It’s like you don’t want to be here, but when it’s time to leave, you don’t want to go. It hurts me Jade, truly. It’s one of the reasons I’m breaking my heart and making you hate me, I love you too much to stick around and this be one sided. I can’t stand the thought that you don’t feel the same”. Tears are falling in earnest from James, his breathing is laboured and his heart is breaking again. Jade’s honey eyes, slightly scarred are lost amongst the blowing sand.
Taking a deep breath, Jade grows a little firmer and pulls her grip away from James. Her eyes are sad, but beneath, barely below the surface James can see anger and confusion coming together, ready to break through. “Can we still be friends?” Jade asks. “I think it would be best for me to distance myself from you. I love you Jade, it would be unhealthy for us, for me.” “So just because you can’t have me, you don’t even want to be my friend? You’re just like the other guys, every other fucking guy”. Her anger is apparent and James is starting to panic, “It’s not like that Jade, really. It wouldn’t be fair to me to keep breaking myself over you, not when I feel like this and you’re not sure on how you feel. This isn’t a joke or a game Jade, this is me sparing myself the heartbreak and pain before I ask you to marry me. You’re really that incredible. What else can I do? Just let you string me along and leave me wondering?” She stands and takes a few steps back, “Just fuck off. OK James?” With that she turns and walks into the wind.
“Jade!!” He calls into the wind, her beautiful hair flutters in the breeze and she turns back around, slowly raising her hand, displaying the international sign of ‘Fuck You’. James collapses on the sand, his heart about to give out with his throat threatening to tear open, to release a volume of pain-strangled howls. He sits there for a long time. Thinking of her laugh, her touch and taste, remembering how she washed him in the shower, hands exploring. Her wit and charm, the awe she instilled. She was life incarnate and that’s what he fell in love with, who he is still in love with. He thought he did the right thing, felt it was right.
James sits at home, thinking of Jade and regretting his decision. He sends her a message. “Fuck off asshole” is the reply. He apologises and asks if they can still be friends, she asks “and what friendship is left? Look, just leave me alone OK?” He stops messaging. A few days later he texts again to ask,.if he could explain, if she would hear him out. “I’d rather shit in my hands and clap than hear what you have to say”. This makes him laugh heartily. He tells her, ‘Fine. I think you’re being childish and acting like a brat’ “And you’re being an immature asshole. Don’t message me again”. 3 days later he sends her a bouquet and a book. Maybe one day, Jade will accept his calls and flowers, or read his messages. Perhaps understand why he did what he did, and that he is still kicking himself. Always will. James would swallow the sun to talk to Jade again, to breathe her scent and feel her skin. For his passion, burns deeply.