Why Superhero films are overrated. Language warning. 

Fuck DC and Marvel. Fuck them. The general public are on the receiving end of a chilli enema with every “Blockbuster” that’s released based on super heroes, or based on one hero in particular. Let’s start with my first example,  Batman VS Superman.

 

Hollywood tends to think we can’t think for ourselves when it comes to what a movie should be. First off, a human can’t  beat a God. Not even if she gets close enough to use her kryptonite nails and scream about ‘Martha’. Get fucked Fapman, Supes could supervision your ass a thousand times over before you could blink, therefore killing you instantly.

 
Second. Supes could throw her into space and let the lack of atmosphere do the rest. He could do The Flashes ‘infinite mass punch’ and turn Fapman into a sniveling bitch. “Faster than a speeding bullet” implies pretty heavy speeds. And the faster an object moves, the more mass it has, that’s why a shotgun blast to the chest could send you stumbling backwards. It’s called physics and Hollywood forgets it exists in our very own universe. So if Batman got hit by an object at 10,000fps, IE Superman’s fist, it would be the last thing he feels before his head explodes.

 

 

Overall, superheroes aren’t overly concerned with collateral damage, any “Major motion picture” from the last 5 years can substantiate this claim.  Starts out with our Zero doing fuck all for the good of mankind and being attacked by “bad guys” (the exception being Iron Man). The ensuing cluster fuck erupts with countless civilian deaths and property damage, while the Hero battles on with some other dumb fuck in tights, eventually leading to the demise of one dumb fuck, or another, while the citizens they have traumatized thank them for their heroic efforts. Again, get fucked. The “Bad Guys” are well within their right to lash out at some freakshow fuckstain who’s own interests outweighs the benefit of helping the people who put up with their selfish bullshit.

 

 
Next up,  unrealistic expectations of physical beauty.
Why are they all “Good looking”? In reality maybe 1 in 1000000 is considered beautiful by my standard. Godly strength for a hero is fine, but great looks too? That’s pushing the laws of probability, and insulting the intellect of the mindless masses. At least Michael Chiklis “The Thing (Fanspastic Bore) from Fantastic 4(skin)” portrayed a realistic average Joe,  caught in a whirlwind of unbelievable bullshit and he played the role best. He nailed it. Have you seen him in The shield? A mega corrupt cop nailing bad and good guys alike so he can provide for his family, the best show on TV, beats The Sopranos.

 

 
Bad guys are fucking retards. In any universe, an assassin’s best friend is….  Wait for it…  A fucking gun. Yes it’s true. It might seem like a simple, underrated tool of destruction and mayhem, but a gun is a guys best friend (refer back to infinite mass). Whether that be for shooting tin cans, kids walking on my lawn, or anything else I feel the use of a firearm is sanctioned for, it’s handy,  pardon the pun. But the mindless dicks in Tinseltown forget that most of their heroes are human, and succeptable to the weakness that is speeding metal VS flesh. For fuck sakes. Hasn’t anyone in Gotham thought about sniping the lights out while Spruce Caboose is out in public. Maybe spray his brains all over his girlfriend’s face during a speech, dinner or meeting?

 
Are they missing that one chromosome that rules logic, ergo forgoing rational thought and ending up in a fist fight with someone mildly technologically advanced? Retarded. Getting down with the syndrome maybe. All I’m saying is if some degenerate with a gun can shoot up a classroom, then surely the bad guys can skip Storm Trooper Academy to keep the hero in their sights.

 

I can rant and praddle on about this shit till the cows (your mothers) come home, but I wont. Hollywood, Michael Bay, DC,  Marvel, and various others,  we the thinking few,  are sick of your shit. Stop pandering to the status quo and satisfy the needs of the few. We are the ones who crucify you, you owe us. Farm out.

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